so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
