I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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