I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You are a genius and a whore.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
