well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
