I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
