Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
