the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
