I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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