all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I did not marry a roomba.
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