Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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