I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
how drunk are you?
Several
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