On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
