im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
