Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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