Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
