Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
