Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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