in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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