Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
