My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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