I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
