I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
