i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
