She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
