so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
