please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
