Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
