Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Terrible idea I love it
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
