"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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