is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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