Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
