Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
