Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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