He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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