i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
