Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
