So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
