This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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