He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
