Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
