how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
