just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I could fuck to npr.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
