I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i've created a new STD.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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