I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
