Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
