with your own penis?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
