everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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