Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
