Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
