I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
