apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
