When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
