ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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