I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
is that a dick in a sweater?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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