yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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